today was weirdddd. so there was a shitload of snow sticking around that I had to clear off the car.. not fun. I wore freaking thigh-high socks that covered my whole legs underneath my jeans. just to keep warm. then went to directing and script writing where I did... nothing. followed by more watching of fight club. and since we were getting to the end the whole thing's 'making sense' now. and I mean, I saw it coming about halfway through the movie, but those kind of movies just have so much I can relate to. I don't understand sanity, and none of my friends are sane. so yeah... that kind of put me in this weird place the rest of the day where I didn't care about anything in school, it was just things happening to some outside person. and I really, really just felt the need to pound someone. start a fight just for fun, feel the pain of a fist connecting with my flesh. then there's that little thing where with me pain = NOM. the mention of fights gets me thinking about how fights can end up just being foreplay... at least with me..
I suppose to a point the feelings of love and hate combine in one in fights. you want to injure the person you're fighting, show them you're the 'alpha male'. but then they could really be your best friend or a lover and during the fight something clicks and it's just a total turn on. come on, sex isn't sex without a struggle. why else would bondage be so popular?? for kinky people like me that the click actually happens, it is beautiful. but then you can't fight without having that and you just get really horny and it doesn't exactly end well. being a derby girl, fighting and aggressive contact pretty much rule a sector of my life. well, always has, even before I found derby.. I was always the one who, as soon as teachers needed help lifting stuffs or anything asking for the strong boys, I'd be the first to volunteer. what can I say? I can't turn down a good chance to show my manliness or to fight.. fist fights made my childhood. no wonder my mom tells me I should have been born a boy....
rawr. then there's the whole gender thing. honestly, I get the whole physical gender thing. but on an emotional level, we are all humans with values and there is beauty within us. why should we give a label and taint that beauty? I am not a gender. I have no fucking gender. I am a person. that is all the world should see, but society feels the need to be all like OMIGAWDS YOU'RE A GIRL!! now go off and make everything pink and butterflies and unicorns cause you're a pretty princess. (go fucking die in a hole) yesh. society makes me want to go barf in the box, unless I've already blown it up by then..
pce bitches.
remember to hit me up with some questions and stuff.
<3 <3
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