are you an illusion or am I just getting stoned.

I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. I don't know how to clear room to figure any of it out until I know what I need and what can go. it's a vicious circle. draws you in, makes you into a slave.
there really is nothing that I can do to stop it. what do I know? I like girls, a particular few mostly. I have almost no balls when it comes to girls I like. there is a very slim chance of me getting into a good post secondary school with the rate my grades are at now. I don't know if any of my 'besties' but one are actually still my friends. really I lost myself inside this body I must inhabit. I want to get back to who I am before I am completely unrecognizably changed by this life. just waiting to be free, to let the world and all it's beauty just sweep me off my feet and lead me on a journey to discovery.

how much I long to become one with nature, to allow for us to live at peace. if only the wars could end, the judgement would subside, and the peoples would allow for the nature to grow on it's own without the hinderance of humans. I wish I could live up in a tree with other crazy nature-loving lesbians and do our part to save the world one tree at a time, moving on to small cities and towns, and finally making our way up to world famous capitals.

is it so hard to see that in order to survive as a race, humans need to sacrifice getting that newer, new xbox or whatever, give up the things we don't need, and just be at peace with everything on this planet. and GIVE UP THE ANIMAL CRUELTY!!! as soon as I'm out on my own and can afford it, I prolly will slowly start to go more and more vegan. but for now I have to put up with a little bit of guilt while my mother forces me into believing that a little bit of dead animal is needed in order for human life to work.

so yeah. peace and love and... SOY!!!!
and sex of course, can't forget the sex.. which reminds me. girlieeeees. hit my up!!!

and everyone, guess the songs the titles of my posts are from. let me know what you think.
nikki asb@hotmail.com

<3 <3