as humans, all our lives we've been striving to real certain goals in life. we need to be beautiful, have the best marks, possess the most useless crap, have more power, become the most famous, and make sure everyone knows the stories about us. sometimes we're one of the lucky ones that gets to go create something new for themselves and be different. I mean, humans are a complex organism, so why would we have to all do the exact same thing? no one tells you how to dress or even if you should dress at all. this is because we're trusted to give into society and conform. as soon as we are forced to join in on the ranks of schooling, the school board and government start their slow, painful way of keeping every new member of the species. we really have no choice, there isn't a single barter that'll work for getting away. our looks, feelings, and beliefs along with out grades in school get us beat up and in a place where you just want to be dead, to get away from all of it. society just brings about a higher risk for depression..
me being a human, I am trying to find myself, although somewhere along the way I'm getting lost in both my past that I refuse to let go of and the person who I want to be. it's like they plan my life out and I'm just the girl listening to my other parts telling me what to do. really, I'm so lost. I have no idea who I am, what gender I lay under even..needless to say, I'm a little more than slightly confused. in the midst of this, I make crappity crap crapness turn into a full-blown battle, at least I'm trying. I could wallow in self pity at the fact that I have shit grades, shit family, practically no friends, I'm single, and a bunch of randoms. but I really don't want to. this is about something bigger. each morning I wake up and immediately ask myself a few questions: who am I, where am I, what gender(s) am I, and am I completely alone. I never usually have the answers, but at least I can pretend I care.
I had something brilliant I was going to write here, then I started falling asleep on my keyboard and forgot, so I might just wait for next year.. so untill next time
<3 <3
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