you can't stop the beat.

deboo. (day-boo??) fuck, I don't don't know how to spell it, I don't know what to wear, I don't know what to get her, and I don't fucking know how to dance. but at least I was given the choice between what the "girls" do, speeches, or what the "boys" do, dancing. that made it seem like someone actually is taking me seriously. then the stoopid grad dresses 2012 group got started.. a girls only group that I have no fucking clue if I should be in at all. but Halloween is coming up, might be time to start looking into finding a purple tail coat. sadly Halloween is the one season I end up spending way too much on clothes. the costumes and over-the-top things are exactly what I need in my wardrobe.  eventually should start organizing my wardrobe in male-presenting, female presenting, and drag queen. that would make mornings a hell of a lot easier. as would getting rid of all the useless crap laying around my room, but whatever.  nothing seems to make quite as much sense as the world used to. maybe he feels the disconnect with everything, having such a sudden shock switching from summer life to the rainy days in september. maybe he misses the chances he had at squishing sand between his toes in temperatures that make it okay to be wearing less than he feels all that comfortable in. tempuratures that force him to make his girly side take over a little. maybe he just doesn't care at all about the school year even when it's supposed to be the only year that really matters all that much. maybe none of this is really setting in as reality, he doesn't quite get it yet that this is real and the happy endings aren't going to happen. maybe even after a year I these halls he feels like a stranger, hoping to see familiar faces that he can fall into their arms and feel safe from the big, bad world. he still doesn't see those faces he's searching for and it's taking its toll. he finally starts to notice that one of those friends he considers quite close is both his complete opposite and his partner in crime, they have their moments where they see as one, but then she goes and rants about how leftists are fucking crazy. if he had to label himself, the closest he could get to a label would most likely be left. sometimes he wonders how the two of them ever get along. she's living in a technological world of the future, while he tries to run in the opposite direction into the past, into the lack of civilization. maybe that's what keeps friendship interesting.. <3 <3