screw with your moderation.

just another year, alone. not a soul to connect to, not a person to talk with. he sits on his bed that night, cutting up newspapers, magazines, memories. he watches notebook covers fill with rainbows and queer influences. the spaces between them filled with beautiful little objects. he wants to escape into the world these covers hold, fall into imagination and never make his way out. he feels their confidence and hopes that he can maybe make it last for long enough to make a difference in his day-to-day life. 

this year was his cheapest back-to-school yet. even with that said, he paid for about half of what that was. he looks around and realizes that with all that his family wants to give him in back-to-school crap, he could most likely get to redo his room. no matter which house he's lived in it always looked the same. for at least 5 years. he feels the need for change, to downsize, to let go of the childhood he's leaving behind a little. he's begging for a trip to ikea, to replace the pieces that don't reflect even the smallest bit of his personality. he needs to spend some time clearing everything out so that he can make the space. he would love to get a big comfy chair from the thrift store in, get rid of the bulky dressers taking up more room than ever needed. he gives away more and more, hoping eventually he won't need more than a small suitcase full to keep himself completely content. then he takes a look over at his craft corner and realizes he will always have at least a little excess. 

he vows to go through everything before the new year, to seperate need from maybe want sometime down the road. for once he wants to be organized. he can imagine how much space could be left over if he just reorganized his shit. thinking back he realizes that he never even got a say in where things went in this room, that may be why he absolutely hates the arrangement. he vows to never again move without being in complete control of where every piece of furniture goes, down to the square centimeter. it shouldn't be too hard once he downsizes to just two or three big pieces. 

<3 <3