I've had my pain like the rest of them, that's why I'm always laughing.

is there a point where one is simply 'too queer'?? he thinks if such a point is possible, he may have reached it. his mind does not have thought processes that don't manage to come back to rainbows or something gsm-related. even in his spare time he finds himself browsing which post-secondary schools offer lgbt studies programs. there are only three in Canada, he can name them all, also only one in north america that allows the student to major in lgbt studies (and of course it's in San Fran). and only about a dozen that allow for it for a minor, the rest are just extra classes. he knows that there is in fact an institute of gay and lesbian education. they offer only four or five programs, but two of them interest him greatly. the only problem is it's in west holywood. not only is that far, but he doesn't overly like Hollywood in the first place. school projects can always be tweaked to allow for a gsm-related topic. even in the summertime he was dreaming up projects and how to go about reasearching them. when he goes to take out a book he decideds there is only one fiction queer book in the school library he hasn't read, so maybe he should get on it.
at this point he pretty much lives, breathes, and eats queer. he's ready to burst, he needs to impliment some gsm knowledge on the rest of the student body, as well as the staff. it's killing him a little to have all these conversations in his head because nobody else would understand a word he says with all the lingo he uses. his only outlet where he can actually speak instead of write is his old school's GSA. funny thing is, he's putting more effort into that than anything he's done in his current school. sadly, he's losing his spark of bubbly and queer in his current place because of so much being just conversations within his selves in his head. he fears he may be tuning the rest of the world out. 

he misses the days of having actual connections with others. these days it seems like the only ones he connects with he only talks to over the Internet and through spontaneous texts. there are only about five or six people he can actually feel that they are real humans, they have actual souls. the rest he does try to reach out to now and then, but it feels like they no longer fit the human qualification. they are just objects, things to awkwardly interact with to keep wasting the time, keep the body occupied doing something other than gazing into the distance.

the rain is coming, he smells it coming closer each day. before then he begs the world to allow some good to come from life and let him take a spare while waiting to get into bio. the spare time he could use to unwind a little, break in a new notebook, break out the hemp, and just be at one with the world, the earth, all of his surroundings. 

<3 <3