every night's like Halloween.

just another night where he can't help but to try to figure out the mystery that is his gender identity. he searches and searches for answers, but there really are no words that encompass all that he is in just the one word. it takes some explaining. 

he watches the world pass by, how they all have it so easy. he watches the girls and the boys in their cis-gendered groups dashing from place to place. he envies them, how they know what they are, how they can focus on the other shit life is throwing their way. they don't think twice about the things they have so easy. they take themselves forgranted. give a straight, cis-gendered child half the difficulties that a queer, trans* or non-bianary child faces and they wouldn't make it. yet they find it easy to make fun, to make the queer child as excluded as they can. it sickens him that things like that could still be happening in the world today. 

ancient Greeks believed straight sex to be selfish, to be forcing the gods to provide a baby. they believed gay sex to be the only pure sex, the only sex fueled by love. in today's society we've seemed to have lost that belief. maybe someday people will regain that belief and the world will be in a better place once again. 

some days he wonders what it would be like to give up and live life the way that society expects him to. what would it be like to wear short shorts and fake tans, to play ditzy and easy, to be a girl who just wants to be saved by a prince. he wonders what it would be like to grow his hair out and do everything in his power to make it shiney and strong. he wonders what it would be like to live in a nation where he could be put to death or to be a victim of "correction rape" just for being who he is. he wonders what it would feel like, having his rights all stripped away, letting is beliefs become overtaken by those of the government for fear of his life. in a way he almost wants to feel their pain, to be able to really, truly understand. many would say he's crazy, but he doesn't feel he can expirience life without having travelled outside a comfort zone. 

<3 <3