here goes me thinking everything's my fault yet again. just want to make everyone happy and make all the bad in the world disappear. but I can't do it all, and it seems like the harder I try, the more people push me away. there's so much I want to say to people, so many stories I want people to feel like they can tell me, and none of it it seems will ever happen. there's one person it seems in the whole bloody school that actually wants to let me in, let me feel like I make a difference. and it's hard since we only have one class together. the rest of the world just seems distant and stoopid. there's no point to any of the things that end up hapening in day to day life. it's all just a tightrope leading to nowhere that everyone keeps following as if their livlfe depends on it. no one think about how turning around, going down the ladder, and walking in the ring would make so much more sense. waiting for everything to stop being blurry messes and make sense for once.
I have no clue if I'm even making sense any more... I'm just so tired, so worn out. and the end seems so far away. there is no end. just hudle after hurdle.
female pronouns are kind of the bane of my existance right now. every time they are used to describe me I want to cringe then scream and thrash around, melting. at least male pronouns I don't feel like I'm dying inside. and gender-neutral ones usually just end up sounding off. there are so many people who don't even have a clue what exactly they mean.
almost time for a 'break' ... I mean weekend..
<3 <3
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