he's fading. he's trying to keep on top of everything to keep from thinking about her every second of every day. instead he's just fucking tired snd the thoughts creep up on him every moment he stops to breathe a little bit. it's not going to stop pounding its way into his life so he tries to drag sandbgs over to keep the wave at bay. he knows that sandbags won't be enough to stop it, but it's the only thing he knows to do. he's drowning, searching for some other solution. he prays to meowsus, asking for some way to make it stop. the only answer he gets is help to try and fifure out the whole situation, but he can't bring himself to put the plan into action without feeling like he's shaken out of his skin, shaken from fear.
he goes about the dy, shrugging off he LBs who comment on the fact he can't grow a real mustache for movember. he curses this body, wishing he could make his voice a little deeper, his body a little taller, his emotions a little more balanced. he'll never fit the box for male and he may never find the right pronouns to fit his lack of gender, but he won't let the fact that any balls he'll ever have will be just as fake as sillicone implants get him down.
he hasn't known how to deal with the lack of internet access so far, even when he's had at least some time on the laptop every day not being able to constantly check to see if there's anything new in his inbox. somehow he keeps hoping something will pop up. he hasn't had a conversation with either of his best friends saying more than one thing within a day for ages. he misses them more than anything.
<3 <3
No comments:
Post a Comment