weekends used to be enjoyable things, now he doesn't know what he feels anymore. now every weekend is only homework and maybe "family time" and some sleep. there's nothing exciting to keep him motivated to live till the weekend. he needs to find some reason to do something fun on the weekends, something that makes him feel good emotions.
he wants a pet. something he can hold and maybe cuddle with so that he can feel there is something out there that loves him even if it's only because he feeds it. his life has become rather pathetic these days.
there are less than two weeks until the first grad event, an event where he will be forced into wearing a dress. he already feels like he's having his masculinity (whatever small doses actually exist) ripped from him and torn into tiny shreds. he's struggling to not lash out at the world for putting him in such a shitty situation. he's begging whatever entities are out there for the strength to make it through. he refuses to become just another statistic in the world. once all this bullshit is over he'll be okay.
he realizes the thing that suppresses him the most is his mother. he's almost afraid to let his masculine bits slip because he would have to prepare for more transphobic fuckery from her. he cries a little each night when he can bring down the mask forced upon him with her. she thrusts "she"s and "daughter"s and such his way like she's never heard a thing he's said. she doesn't even think she's done anything wrong by asking him when he stopped liking being a girl or when he started wanting to be anything but female. she doesn't see how much it's killing him, how close he is to just leaving it all and taking to a world where everything is numb and there is no way back to life. he keeps hoping the day will come where he can be free.
<3 <3
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