this world is forcing me to hold your hand.

he's watching as the fragments of his family keep falling farther and farther apart. every time they start to get a little bit closer a gust of wind comes and knocks them back to an even farther distance. he's holding on, hoping to eventually put the pieces together but he knows it's no use. he has the time limit set but he doesn't know if he can make it to then. visiting the town he spent his childhood in. just a visitor, no longer a part of anything. no longer welcomed, no longer remembered. he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. he no longer has that place to really call home. the one he was held dear has the same base, but everything's different. the memories are burried everywhere in the town, but they are only memories. walking through is like walking in a ghost town. there's no escape. like living a double life. when in reality he lives no life at all.  he manages to get looped into going to a weekend retreat at a Christian camp he went to one summer, he tells himself he's going to rediscover what religion is about, try to make sense of it all. he knows deep down inside that he's just hoping it will give him something in common with the two that have been his best friends most of the time since grade 3. for the last 2-3 years he hasn't been able to talk to them and not feel like their friendship was a lie. he misses when they legitimately had a good time doing almost nothing. he hopes to recapture that.  he feels the need to speak, to say something loud and clear and have the whole world know. he just doesn't know what to say. he could tell the world to stop fucking around and cooperate with each other, he could teach them about the kind of love every inch of this planet has between each other, he could talk about the things that he holds dear. none of it would matter, none of it would gain an audience at all. the world is numb, self-centered, unable to see what is going on around them. it is a sad world to live in. <3 <3