and I've got a chip on my shoulder.

he doesn't think he can last another day, let alone another 9 months. each moment spent in the confines of the school walls he feels himself dying a little more. he loses track of what else is going on in the world. nothing else seems to matter but the constant pile of work he needs to get done. there never seems to be much of a dent in it for too long. he's slowly going insane. every day in classes is like another drip in Chinese water torture. and he cries out to the world but no one answers. he's so alone in this struggle to make it out alive. he sees their smiling faces and finds it hard to believe they could ever feel the pain he knows. he finds it hard to believe another one of them has pain just like him. but he's heard it first-hand. he knows there is another out there suffering, grieving, fearing for their life. he hates to admit it, but that gives him hope. he screams, tossing and turning, waiting to be woken from his nightmare. he misses her, clutching a teddy as if squeezing hard enough would change it all. he could spend eternity learning the curves of her anatomy. he could hold out hope forever. there are so many things he could've, should've done. she terrifies him. no matter how much things turn out differently, he can always find a way to get away without really talking. he is afraid to say something that could make things worse. he is afraid she'll find a reason to hate him. in the busy streets of the city the moon doesn't shine quite so he can see. the stars won't come out to play. he needs to see them to connect, to feel the breath of the wild. he needs to look up and see that they are under the very same sky. aside from the lack of love from the city lights he can't see the blow of the real world. he can't see that life really does that.  <3 <3