are we the same?

just another night wondering when the next time he'll get a break from the forever alone. he tries not to regret the things he didn't do, tries to look forward to a bright future. he just isn't that kind of person at all. he doesn't understand much beyond wallowing and checking girls out. it's like a pity party for eternity without even trying.  he decided to test the water again, see what exactly his family's views on the grad outfit are. he tried to say that he just really wants a suit or something.. his grandma actually said "well you don't want people to think you're one of those gay people." fucking hell. he's only the queerest motherfucker in the whole school and everyone knows it. he wasn't sure if he should scream or cry. instead he just stood there, not knowing what the fuck to do. maybe not coming out to the rest of the family soon. pretty soon he needs to start taking action, start getting pieces started, see where his writing takes him. he knows that he's not confident about his writing at all right now, with so much time to let it turn to mush, to spend not even really reading. he's tired and his mind is slowing down. it kills him. he needs some sort of stimulator.  everything has turned to sex once again. so many girls that he could drool over, so much love for the female body. he doesn't understand how he can be so afraid of intamacy at the same time as really just wanting to fuck something.  thus begins the weekend that he will be hating every minute of it until it's over. the weekend where half the shit he needs done doesn't get done. not all that interesting. the weekend where every moment seems to be a fight.  <3 <3