just leave those thoughts behind you.

he tries to be thankful for everything around him, he really does. he's thankful for good poetry, thankful for pumpkin candles, thankful for friends no matter how much he doesn't get to see them because he knows that they still love him, thankful for girls to keep his thoughts happy. he tries to be thankful for the body he was placed in, tries to paint his nails, letting the toxins seep in and another pie e of him die away. he isn't who they think he is and it kills him. he tries to be thankful for the roof over his head, yet the person living under that roof with him is fucking insane and won't let him do anything without giving him a deadly headache. he fears for his life every day. he tries to be thankful for family, then he remembers just what they think of homosexuality and wishes them all away.  he listens to the world outside. it's all the pitter patter of the rain and the racing of car engines as they pass by to their next destination. it takes every fiber of his being to keep from joining them, becoming another racing engine to get away, get to her. she wouldn't notice. so he begs himself to not bother at all. instead he'll dream of her and the way her voice wraps around him when she reads and the words he wishes so badly could be erased but are instead burned into his memory. he sees the world and the way it works and how he fits in. he doesn't like it. he wants to reach out to the sky, reach his maximum potential. he wants to know there is something more than just what he is now. he needs to feel like something will change for the better. <3 <3