he doesn't quite know what to do with the world, what to think, how to act. he hates giving a stance because most things he knows he changes his mind about faster than he can say his opinion. there are very few things he can talk about and not feel like he's lying because he changes his mind while he's talking. that might be one of the reasons he finds it easier talking to other forms of life besides humans, they don't judge him for his faults. he doesn't know quite how to connect with actual people. very few have been able to cut through his external shell and make the coonection. the worst part is that when people do actually manage to do so, he clings to them for a glimpse of happiness and they end up feeling smothered and backing away. then he's back to square one trying to make a connection. it's a never-ending circle. one day, he hopes to find an end and keep a connection for life.
he conforms, pretending that it all makes sense, that people are objects he actually can communicate with easily. they all believe he understands just like the rest of them, but he's drowning in the unknown, slipping into a place of isolation. he sits in his own corner, dreaming. he is at home in the quite of the night, the gentle breeze, the soft, grassy beds. he greets them like lovers as he falls deep into their arms, falling deep into a peaceful slumber.
he cannot quite grasp what it is, but to him, she makes it easy. just being around her is a calm like nature's embrace. this is a feeling that in all the wonderful people he has happened upon, he has never quite felt. usually there is this space, this awkward distance that can only be brought down with smoke curling in his lungs or alcohol slithering down his throat. with her it's almost a natural high, a space where this awkwardness doesn't exist in the first place. this is a space that could be on the path to falling in love.
<3 <3
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