he worries over every little thing. every sign he gets, he thinks of the worst possible scenario. he hopes for the best, thinks the worst, and truely believes something in the middle. but his heart doesn't quite know what to do, listen to the worrying or just wait and see what happens. he's becoming a slave to these little pieces of cardstock, he sees their pictures and his heart starts to race, wondering just what that day's message will bring. he'll reread them every morning, whenever another arrives, and at night. pretty soon he'll have them memorized without even trying. it's hard to let a moment go by without thinking of her.
he feels like he's leading a double life, one where he's comfortable and can be himself, and one where he's still the good little daughter. he wishes he could let the first take control, although it's hard when he's lived that life mostly in his head for fear that others wouldn't quite understand. the latter has become his reality that he doesn't know how to bring up who he really is. it scares him, he doesn't want to be that way forever. he kids himself and says he's waiting for the right timing. he knows what's going on, he's actually scared, something that isn't anywhere near the person he is inside. he doesn't want to deal with what would happen if it went badly. he knows he should only surround himself with positive people and that explaining things to certain people might make them not so positive. he might just be doing it for his safety.
<3 <3
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