rawr. hello positive energy, you are still sticking around. somewhat.
then again, who isn't freaking out about courses for gr.12 and what to do after high school and shizz??
so yeahhh.. 1 out of.... 4 things to have done this week done. sadly, it's the one due wednesday, not the one due tomorrow or the one due tuesday.. although the tomorrow one is just sketchbook. tuesday is essay. 1 paragraph down, like 4ish to go. then have to finish rough draft of script for thursday.. hoshizz batman.
feels like it is time to go through all my clothes and get rid of everything I don't actually wear anymore again. which is actually quite a bit. sadly, I already got rid of over half a closet of hoodies, tonnes of tshirts, at least 5 pairs of jeans, some sweatpants, pile of too small clothes, and some shoes. all over the summer. now I look again and I'm still holding on to crap I'll prolly never wear again and haven't worn for over two years. so making three piles when I get a chance: keeping (and will actually wear), keeping (to make into something new because diy is fun like pudding), give away. then it's time to go boot shopping and vintage shopping/ thrifting. ehhhhrg. I know, I'm turning into such a materialistic bitch.. it makes me sad. but then I get something shiny or rainbow and it instantly cheers me up. and this is why I should never be given money, I will spend it all on pretty things and then forget about them like a week later.. or love them to death forever and get so attached that people get scared...
I realized how much I like the change that being at a new school this year has given me. people actually just accept me with no questions. they assume I've always known that I'm gay, and that I'm so different in every way. when inside I'm still just a little confused child. trying to figure out how to express herself, how to show the world what she's made of, how to just make it out into the real world. sometimes I feel so normal. just another soulless body floating through, giving parents, teachers exactly what they want. following the rules like a good little child. sometimes I feel like there is no difference in the way the word would view me or some person barely noticed, quiet in the back of the classroom. but shhh, it's a secret.
sometimes I feel I am not 'cool' enough to be given the labels people call me. lesbian. naws, I can't be that cool. I'm just another kid trying to make her way through life. unique. haha, I have parts of all my friends mixed up inside me. creative. I often find myself with a lack of inspiration.
unconditional love. it is sad how rare it is to find these days. most people are just wanting to get laid. or have fun. of love someone DESPITE their quirks. all I really want to find is a girl who can open her whole heart to me, accept me for everything I am and do, and love me FOR that. I want a girl who can be every bit as dorky as me, can make me laugh and smile, and can make my world brighten when she enters a room. I want a girl who will let me love her and spoil her and give her every ounce of my energy in affection. I want her to see how beautiful she really is every time she looks in a mirror, to see every amazing bit of life on her body, to appreciate every breath that brings her closer to me. I want true, unconditional love.
any questions? for my eyes only or for the interwebs to see.
any topics? always looking for new ideas so I don't get boring.
guess the song titles and artists for my post titles? you know you wanna.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: nikki oreo barnes
<3 <3
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