the thought has occurred.

apparently there's a connection with lack of sleep and wanting sex, smoke, and substances. that explains a lot. seriously, so much explained right there. he just wants it all, at one time, right then. he struggles to try and contain himself. it just isn't worth it all the time. sometimes he just wants to go act on his impulses and see what happens. there's a fairly good chance it wouldn't be good though.. he plots his attack against humans, attack against the world, way of hiding from humanity. fuck it, he just needs to get away from everything that is corrupt and hurtful. he news to get away from a society who thinks that war will solve any problems at all, a society that thinks women should be in one shape and size, a society that forces people/ kids/ teens/ anyone to take their lives just because they don't fit the "norm". he needs to run away, to not look back, to breathe in a way that allows him to not have to deal with the rest of the fucking world. he's tired of reality. the world is wearing him out with its ideas of perfection and expectations of the general public. the world is freaking him out when the people can't think for themselves anymore, even "hipster" has become mainstream and there's no way to stop the people from becoming clones, drones of each other.  his heart is stuck in a land between two emotions; his life is floating down an uncertain path. nothing really makes sense anymore when he stops to think about it. really, it's just another way of making him try to be like all the rest of them, to believe that everything is completely sane. he knows better, he can see the madness behind their sinful eyes. he breathes. deeper, deeper. it'll be okay for once. nothing makes sense, deal with it.  the longer he stays awake, the more he wants to just have someone to hold, someone to care, someone to free him from the torture that is being in his body when everything around seems to turn him on. he can't feel anything else besides that extreme desire to do anything the least bit physical. he misses the days where things were simple, where he had a list of fall backs if he needed a pick-me-up, an ego boost. these days it doesn't work like that. he wonders what it would take to keep a girl around for once. just once, that's all he really asks.  <3 <3