I fell in your arms tonight, it was nice.

some days I get an overwhelming urge to just start running and not stop until complete exhaustion overtakes me. after a quick break, do it again, and repeat this process until I get to some place I've never been and I don't even know how to communicate with the locals. I want to soak in their culture until it becomes part of my very soul. but that will never happen. if I do ever take a chance and run somewhere, I know it will end up being to see you. as much as I try to avoid it, I can't. when my thoughts roam, they always find their way back to you, no matter what they were on before.  there has to be some escape, some way to make everything just stop and go back to normal, before everything turned to thinking about you. it's become an addiction, an unhealthy habbit. these scenarios keep playing in my head on repeat, rewinding and slightly changing until I get it right. memories unfolding at moments least expected.  he's lying in a lump, a pile on the floor. he doesn't know quite what to make of this cruel world. words like bullets "she" "her" "girl" "daughter". a sniper aiming each one for a kill. for some unknown reason he's still here and the wounds keep getting deeper. there is no reaction each time he gets hit, no one notices, no one even cares. they assume that the fake smiles, the constant hugs  are a real happiness as apposed to a cry out for someone to take notice. he lays alone at the end of the day, no one caring. he waits for the day that someone will get it right, where someone will look him up and down with a puzzled look upon their face and finally settle on "sir". it's all he ever asked for.  he rediscovers scars, mostly self-inflicted. these scars from years past. they've almost been hidden, but with a careful eye they're still there plain as day. he looks back at the moments that caused him to drag blades, pencaps, bobbypins, anything he could reach, across his skin. he wishes he could say that part of his life is behind him. he knows that it will be back sometime, be it a few days, weeks, months, or years. it will be back.  <3 <3