day two. already he wants to run away. a year ago he was coming home and crying every day, trying to somehow magically go back to tsawwassen. he was terrified to talk to her because she'd either think he's stoopid or everyone would see right through him and realize what had really thought of her. everyone knows now. now the halls are bare, the bustle of people means nothing. the one familiar face he's searching for is nowhere to be seen. he falls into the embrace of those around him, hoping that they'll fit perfectly, but he feels nothing. he cannot seem to find a way to connect with anyone. it scares him, he doesn't want to be without feelings for too long. the numbness and apathy will eat him whole. as will the waiting, waiting for something to happen.
he digs around, finding old works. flipping through he realizes how much more beautiful life used to be. how much he has always had piles of drama coming his way. he couldn't escape if he tried.
one more day before shit gets real. he doesn't want to be around for when grade 12 goes into full swing. sometimes he wonders what it would be like to be that guy who dies in grad year, to take up an entire page in the yearbook, to have the entire school care. he almost thinks that would be a better solution. but he'll suffer along, pretending to give a fuck about the bullshit most of his teachers think he's learning, he pretends a lot, fakes the smiles and the laughs. a lot of people don't even bother to notice. they think he really does feel that way about everyone. his eyelids start to close, giving him inspiration of who to be the next day.
<3 <3
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