I am not a whore.

what do you do when you're on the run from an abusive husband? when your kids have to be homeschooled because there's a chance you could have to flee to a different town any moment if he tracks you down. apparently you go drinking. you come home for a few days and go out with friends to drink. it would be nice if I could just have a couple. I've missed the burn of alcohol down my throat. everyone around me is drinking, it's fucking high school in grade 12 and I haven't had a drink in over a year. even then I haven't had all that much to drink for... just under two years. the party goes on without me and I just sit in the corner, waiting for someone to take notice. I wait for love to pass me by yet again.  he cant really debate to save his life. he just tends to care about the other person and end up agreeing with them and feeling like they're mad at him for being a complete idiot. he gets to a point whe he realizes that there's no way in hell that he can form the words to say what he's feeling, what he needs to tell them. and then it's over and he feels like crap and it's lost all the fun. but he can keep trying, hoping one day he won't just have to walk away and say fuck it, you're right and I'm wrong. his self-esteem needs for him to be right at least some of the time. tonight he was introduced to the land of the fae. where girls are fucking hot and seductive and he really wouldn't mind being pinned up against a wall, tied into a chair, fucked until his power's nearly depleated. for the first time there's a show where there is no definition of a single sexuality, sexuality is completely fluid, and completely based on who's in front of you at the time. he loves it, craves it. he longs to be bitten or choked or scratched. he doesn't know how to handle feelings when they bottle up, he just knows that he should stop himself from hitting on anything that moves and has a hole between their thighs.  he wants to bleed, to tear away the flesh and just let himself run dry. he dreams of the headrush that such a blood loss could provide. he wants to feel pain in the best way possible. he hopes to be stretched in ways he didn't realize were possible. for now he'll dream, wondering why he always let's them get away, why he doesn't have the ability to keep the girls around for more than a few months before they just can't do it anymore. he wonders if it's really that difficult for others or if it's just him that there's something wrong with. he smiles on the outside as he wipes his eyes and hopes for something worthwhile in the future, something worth sticking around for. <3 <3