the words you want are out of reach.

he can't help but to hope for the best, expect that good things will happen, then be disappointed when things don't turn out as hoped for. on the other hand he should know better, not let himself expect such things from the world. he should expect that nobody would ever give him a second glance, that he should give up on any attempts but it's not happening. he still hopes every second that there will be a moment when everything just clicks and makes sense. maybe he's just hoping that she's the key. blackouts give him a chance to see so much more to the world than he would on a regular day. without the interwebs and lights turned on he notices things about himself, how he lives in the candlelight, who he can be without the mask of technology. he rather enjoys that person he could be. one of these days he's going to need to take off to go live somewhere and he's going to become this person hidden inside. when that happens he hopes society has evolved enough to understand.  <3 <3