going out of my head.

for the first time since summer he goes to get something from Starbucks. it just kind of hits him all at once, everything that has happened since then. he almost wishes he could go back and do it over. then again, things wouldn't have been turning out as they are if things had happened the way that he wanted them to. right now he's actually quite okay with the way things are turning out, he wouldn't change things much at all. except that she's making him feel feelings and he doesn't know how to deal with that since he doesn't feel like things have been resolved enough to feel feelings at all anymore, but his mind wants to feel while his body's getting horny over the silly things she does. it's out of control but he just wants to bury himself within her being.  he can't stand the fact that he doesn't know how to tell her anything. he can't tell her that he's not that 'girl' everyone seems to think he is, he can't bring up the fact that he's dying not knowing how she feels about him. he wishes it would just be a lot easier. <3 <3