all the bridges you burn.

he doesn't quite know what to with everything. life is becoming just too complicated to figure out when everything is. his memory is going way before it's time. suddenly he can't remember the important things in life like which homework is due when and where to look for scholarships. funny enough he can remember the little things she says and about 10 different genders under the trans* umbrella. he can remember the first day they kissed and he can remember how it feels to be falling in love. most of all he remembers that moment when he found out there were names for the feelings he had about his gender or lack of. he wishes that tests in history and bio were as easy as just trying to find the words to put together to come out to a few people who love him no matter what. fuck, he'd give anything to have school and the future be about the things that interest him, the studies of all that is queer.  he'd give anything to know that sometime in the future he'd be able to be happy living in close corridors with someone he loves, not go insane from the loss of his "me time." he wants to fall in love and move in with someone and spend the rest of his life with them. he just doesn't know if he could manage it. he likes his space and being able to think things out on his own and having time to just be the only one there in the middle of the night when the only sounds are the cars in the streets every few minutes and the buzz of the streetlights. he likes to explore the world alone. except he wants the other side of life as well. it practically kills him that he might not be physically capable of having the whole thing.  in less than 48 hours he will officially be able to say that he is 18. he's been planning tattoos for pretty much as long as he can remember, but now that it's getting to be close to time, he's getting scared. he's a little terrified of his mom's reaction if she finds out. he's afraid of the fact that all the tattoos he seems to want are in particularly painful places. mostly, he's afraid that he'll just go between classes and be all on his own when he gets his first one done.  <3 <3