I want to touch it.

and the birthday magic that he feels is supposed to happen just doesn't seem to be anywhere near ready to surface. somehow he isn't surprised. by 18 years the novelty of having a birthday is wearing off. it's no longer a time that feels special or anything. the only reason there's any joy whatsoever is because of the fact he'll be able to drink in Alberta, vote, and buy smokes in the states. as well as porn being legal.  he really doesn't know why he looks forward to others' birthdays so much, if they all feel the same way he does then there's no point to his excitement. he can only hope they all have a bit more joy for their own birthdays than he does for his own.  maybe the morning will bring surprises that will make him believe in caring about his birthday again. who knows what this year will bring for him to deduce.  <3 <3