there's so much that time cannot erase.

looks like summer's sticking around. literally sticking. everything's hot and muggy and gross. as much as I just want to get rid of everything so I don't have fuckloads to pack every time we move, I need to go shopping. there is no way in hell I can deal the whole summer with my tiny amounts of male summer clothes. I honestly only have a bunch of tshirts and a couple pairs of basketball shorts. shopping. by myself. with enough money to actually buy a few things. needs to happen. it's just too awkward with anyone there since they know what I physically am and will silently judge me on stuff... I get weirded out by people judging my gender. it makes me way too uncomfortable and I tend to just want to leave the situation altogether. 

might do a big clean-out tomorrow. I have so much useless crap around my room I haven't even looked at since we lived in tsawwassen. plus I need to orginize enough to actually be able to live in my room and focus. although I don't want to bother going through my crap that's still in boxes since I just have to repack sometime soon anyways. if my mom wants to buy a place and move this summer then there's no point at all of unpacking. if that doesn't happen I'll be gone in just over a year hopefully, so I could unpack, but leaving things in boxes wouldn't be the end of the world. maybe I've just gotten to the point where my room holds to many memories in the belongings, but the space has changed so much and has no meaning. I just want to get rid of the stuff and live entirely in new, emotionless territory. maybe try to redefine me with the statement my room makes. maybe I just wish I could paint and decorate the way I want instead of just trying to fill up the space before I move again.

one more day before getting back into a slight routine for summer school. at least being in summer school I have some time everyday away from my mother. I have some time to just get away and work on something productive. if I'm lucky it'll also give me the freedom to go do things with friends afterwards. that is if I'm lucky. it's just a pain that it has to be math that I go to for over 2 hrs a day. for nineteen days. 

<3 <3