ubc tour today. my family seems to want me to go there, it's where my uncle went. not to sure there's much I'd even want to study there and it's so freaking expensive. I know my family would pool together and pay for it, but then they'd pretty much own me for the rest of my life. I'm nothing like my uncle, I want to hurry up and be done with school so I can go away and not have anything to do with my family. I don't want to deal with the fights, the craziness, the hatred. I want to be disowned more than anything.
bascially I want to finish highschool, get a job at a coffee shop or something, move out, and sever all connections with anyone technically related to me. I want to move into the city, participate in all sorts of gay rights movements, save up money and go to art school or something. maybe end up in a tattoo and piercing parlor. eventually I want to transfer to San Fran.
and I really, really want to get hardcore into derby. as soon as I turn 19 I want to start going to raw meat practices. then, when september comes around I want to try out for fresh meat. by the time I'm 20 I want to be about to be drafted onto the faster pussycats. or maybe even public frienemy.
since lunch today I've been completely drained. honestly, I've been yawning, napping, and all sorts of stuff since I ate. it goes away for a few minutes every now and then, but then it's back just as bad, if not worse than before. might be a good idea to sleep a good... 6 or 7 hours tonight instead of like 4. dammit tumblr, why must you be so addicting??
have so much work to do in no time, should be interesting to see how much, if any actually gets done. fucking deadlines. would be a lot easier if I wasn't tired. and didn't have things planned for me for every day. and now even when that stuff doesn't distract me, it's freaking hard to breathe. it's not fair how in order to bind one's chest, they must give up the ability to fully expand their ribcage. it's annoying. have to have such a tight thing on is stoopid, but it's better than having to deal with everything that comes with being physically female. maybe one day I'll be able to take my shirt off on hot days and not have to worry about anything. maybe I'll be able to run without anything constricting me and not feel that jiggle that leads to pain. right now there's no winning, but maybe one day.
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email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
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