so today was good. I mean.. I only ate a muffin, a chocolate egg, and some cookies all day, so I basically ran off of soy chai latte which isn't too good, but whatever. that might explain the headache and the feeling somewhat highness. that could be why I was driving really badly.. apparently like I was drunk. almost got in a bad car crash. didn't see the car coming as I was turning left, couldve been really bad possibly deadly if they hadn't stopped. oops..
anyways. got andre to start reading my script and some really good notes. it's good to have another gay prospective. especially a guy who can tell me about what it's like for guys. it'll be interesting trying to rewrite bits. I hate rewriting so I dunno if I'll really take many of his ideas. but I'll at least try to add some of it in. who knows when I'll find the time to get all this stuff done. still like 15 pages of the gr.9 Japanese book, got the gr.10 one to go. plus a bunch of socials homework, and a comedy sketch script for acting. then trying to rewrite my big script that's getting marked. FUUU-
and then on top of that my mom wants to go to the aquarium tomorrow, then dinner at her friend's place. Sunday I'm seeing a movie with friends at like 4.30, and UBC tour for a full day next week, and a BCIT tour for an hour the next day.... so much for lots of spring break time....
finally was allowed to go to GAB this week. I kinda went in thinking it would be like last time, I'd meet some people and get to know them and stuffs.. NOPE. that did not happen. there were like 50-60 people and I knew.. 4 or 5. even the people I did know didn't really talk to me that much. one of them left early, I kinda talked to andre and it made me feel a little more at home. but then I just hung out with aliza and it got a lot better. I felt like I really belonged there. just the two of us talking and picking out the cutest girls and all that fun stuff. I guess I don't really fit in with the big crowd, just certain people who want to actually talk. and it doesn't hurt that we're rainbows galore. XD although it's hard to beat 400something rainbows.. oh well, I'm still pretty up there. boos to get more rainbowed things.. that have a bunch of rainbows on one thing. like aliza's necklace with 200something rainbows.. I really missed her. we need to hang out more. I miss people who just hug and love and don't make me feel like they're judging me. don't make me feel like they know so much more about everything and I'm completely stoopid. I wish I had more people like that in my life.
my head is really starting to hurt... I prolly need water but I'm kinda lazy so I'll wait till I wake up. skittles are much closer :)
today as I was uber excited for going to GAB I ended up thinking about my past and my sexuality and stuff. I really didn't know what a lesbian was until I was in high school, let alone that it was normal to be attracted to other girls. I was an innocent, sheltered child who thought gay was funny and a bad word and that calling people gay was the worst insult ever. I mean, I didn't know anything, just what my peers said so I honestly remember slapping this one guy in elementry school just because everyone thought he was gay. it makes me sad that no one ever educated us so we didn't know better. I'm ashamed that I ever wanted to fit in badly enough to listen to such homophobic things. I kinda want to educate the elementry kids about lgbt type things. even before going into school kids know about straight love. all the gender stereotypes are being beaten into their heads and that they are supposed to find someone of the other sex to love. I'd love to educate those tiny children about all love, how there are all sorts of sexualities and gender identities and that's ok. I want them to learn before they fall into the pit of unintensional homophobia that so many kids even as young as 10 have gotten into. I want children and people of all ages to be accepting and never put anyone through what I put that one kid through..
any questions or ideas for what to write about?? drop me a line. and the go guess my songs from post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
or comment below.
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