I remember.

I remember back in the day when I first told my mom I wanted to wear a lime green tux to grad. she told me my date would cry. I told her I was going with darsey. things were so much simpler back then. I miss grade 9.

I remember how every time I tried to date a boy, he would get paranoid that I would leave him for her. she's always been the one.

I remember rushing to go tell my other wife that I wanted that girl pretty much as soon as I found out she liked girls, the way it was so simple to talk about things like that in our little corner where we'd hide away from the rest of the class.

I remember not wanting to let anyone else around her for fear they'd try to take her away from me, following her around like a lost puppy, waiting for her to throw a little attention my way every once in awhile.

I remember standing around, or cuddling up close, terrified to make a move because everything was perfect so there was no use in screwing around with it and being around her made me turn to jelly.

I remember trying to stop staring after her long after she'd gone the complete other way.

I remember just talking, having her be the only one who could make me feel complete, no matter how many other people had tried to cheer me up.

I remember the jokes that could make me laugh for the longest time, even more so when no one else but us got them. like a little secret that love could share.

I remember seeing no one else whenever she walked into the room, just the radiant beauty she brought with her everywhere.

I remember the first time she kissed me, when I thought my heart would burst out of my chest from a mixture of both having it finally happen, and the fact there was a good chance someone could walk in. that was when I knew there was no cure for how much I love her.

I remember trying to stop my smile from telling everyone just how much I love her.

I remember being so confused when she played games, intentional or not. yet every single step I followed like there was nothing else in the world to do.

I remember knowing she loved me, apparently just as much as I love her. I guess that means nothing though. if so much can be erased so easily, so soon. maybe I'm not the one for her, even if she is the one for me. the truth hurts.

I remember the pain. how much it hurts to know that this is the past. still, I hope for some sort of forgiveness. is that too much to ask? I just need a break.


<3 <3