on one hand I would melt and do anything for her at the slightest hint. I would run across the world if she so wished. I would dedicate every last moment to her. on the other, I'm so fed up with the mind games. I just want it to stop. just want her to tell me what to do, should I be waiting around or is it useless?
just one girl can make me feel so many emotions. it scares me a little. I mean, when I finally grow a pair and call her or actually get to talk to her who knows what could happen. I could get absolutely crushed. I guess that would explain my outburst of more than usual sexualness... it's not my fault that in my insecurity I tend to flirt with every girl I see or start randomly talking to online. it's a healthy way to let out all the tension that's been building up. and pretend that I'd much rather be a player than actually be 100% with her, making her happy in every way possible, being there for her every need. dear gods, this girl has my head spinning so fast I'm getting whiplash and I don't know if it will ever be able to heal. my heart's flippity flopping in my throat, trying to suffercate me so I don't have another chance to make a fool out of myself. but knowing me, there's always a chance to do that, even if I'm desperately trying not to. story of my life.
I wish I could just sit and watch her forever, she's just that beautiful.
every time I blink I'm surprised that she wasn't a dream
I wish I could hold her,
save her from the world,
alas I have nothing.
I cannot change her mind on my own.
slowly, it begins to hurt a little bit less, until I see her picture, hear her name, remember her smile. then it's a spiral back to square one. will this circle ever end??
<3 <3
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