lies and contradictions that you live with everyday.

just don't want to let go. that would mean defeat, yet for once I just want to win, I don't want to give in to her. but she is stubborn and I'm struggling to try and keep up with her and try to break in. into her heart, that place where I once was, but she has now shut me out. the place where I called home before I was shoved through the door and it slammed in my face when I got up to try and get back in. now I'm on the doorstep, waiting for a moment where she'll let me win for once, and open the door so I can come back home and hold her in my arms. for the day when we can continue to have a healthy marriage. and when I can breathe once again. she is my air, my water, my food, my shelter. she has been ripped away like an old band-aid. drowning drowning drowning. can't find the surface to come up. don't want to try anymore, for fear that it will be the end. fear, the thing that runs the human actions. fear to stand out, fear to fit in, fear to stand up for what you believe in, fear to find out the truth, fear to get hurt, fear to revisit the past, fear to move on, fear to see the future, fear of the norm, fear of letting others down, fear of failing, fear of being too much for people's expectations, fear of loving, fear of being alone, fear of the world, fear of being stuck, fear leads our lives. it's about time we revolt, let our fears be our bitches for once. I propose each and every person faces at least one fear in the nest week. and going to school doesn't count, neither does seeing your family. this could be interesting. can't wait to see what happens.

this is all for you babe, I'm not going down without a fight. for the rest of my life I could spend it all chasing you down, begging you to let me come home, please, let me come home. after awhile it could just get boring seeing me try so hard. so maybe you'd lighten up, and loosen your mental deathgrip on my throat. maybe even call back your dogs who are spending their time hurting me a little, trying to make it like losing you twice at the same time.

guess the songs that the lyric-post names are from. try one, or try them all, doesn't matter. comment on the posts or: nikkiasb@hotmail.com

<3 <3