I can't really survive in the coldness. there is much freezing of the body going on. it sucks ass.
freezing.. like her eyes, piercing my heart with their hatred.
I've been winded and I can't even scream her name.
I'm crawling, begging, gasping
all I need is a little air.
I can't choke back the tears,
they're choking me, drowning.
no longer living.
and it's all my fault
and I do it all myself.
if only the past could be taken away, erased, rewritten. alas, there is no way to do so. so I live in fear, waiting waiting waiting. hoping for a day where she'll forgive me, knowing I have more work to do before she could even consider. still the fear cripples me, breaks my heart. how does one live such a life?
I get so confused. is this just a dry point in her game of hot and cold? how I long for the answer key, the manual for girls, for life, for survival. my heart's been pulled like a puppet by so many strings who knows what is really it's desire anymore. shattered so many times I no longer know if I have all the pieces. given away and stabbed until the blood runs clear from the tears. there is no time out, just a continuing circle.
I start to fall and get that girly, happy, floaty thing going on
until I manageto fuck up somehow
then I'm left to drive myself farther and farther into a hole
until next time.
sometimes I wonder why I ever stopped the whole guy thing. at least I'd be getting laid in the middle of my misery. but I suppose it's worth it for those bursts of happiness. and yeknow, how hot girls are...
<3 <3
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