yay. my family is the best. *shoots self in head* all I ask for is peace, to not have to endure a war everytime they force me to be in a room with them, just for once to not have to hear about how I don't try enough and that I should know to speak perfect japanese after all the money they spent and all the ramming it down my throat. then I should bang my head ahistorical the wall, get perfect grades and become some pretentious job and make a ton of money and create something amazing, because nothing less is tolerated. I HAVE to go to the schools they want, make every move they decide, and at the same time they expect me to be self-sufficient. how can I do everything they want and still manage to be independent. they demand the impossible as if it is nothing. every time the enter the room they complain: I'm not neat enough, I don't put enough work into my school, I don't do enough academic courses, I wear too much makeup and look like a whore, I make myself look homeless with thrift store clothes, I'm not girly and fashionable enough, I don't let them use me as their puppet. I won't let them buy me. I'm disrespectful. I don't speak up. that is why I want nothing to do with them. I want nothing to do with the school system. the only sanctuary available is the refuge of books and the hidden corners of my mind where the stories brew.
no longer are the things I once believed in still safe. the 'best friend' promises that were broken, the town I could once call home and make my way around as if it were my backyard, the secret hallways no else dared venture down in the dead of the night, the empty parks where the breeze helped to take my mind wondering far away, and the second bathroom to myself I could shut myself away in to pretend that nothing outside could ever get in. even the drugs that once helped me believe I could be safe have deserted me in my times of need. there is only another face, stranger to let me know I am real, to let the pain roll down my cheeks in a hot mess.
and then there is miss. many know her as life. she hold the chains and has a firm grip on her whip to force you into compliance. she'll yank you up off of your knees and coddle you and give you a sweet taste of love. then she gets bored and once she knows you're hooked she'll have you spiraling, gasping for one more try, but she just wants to see you squirm. it is her biggest pleasure. the only thing your have to know before you figure out that she is a sadistic bitch. she doesn't want you to pick up the pieces.
<3 <3
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