snow.

today. first actual snow of the season. blizzard and sticking and it's COLDDD!! I seriously can barely feel my feet. and that's under my blanket. so imagine what it'll be like out in the snow. good thing for awesomesauce combat boots. I has been told to go make a snowoman with snowboobs. should be quite interestinggg.

anyways HARRY FREAKING POTTER TOMORROW!!! going to be tonks (obviously) and squee my heart out. sad thing is, no matter how much of a Harry Potter geek I am, I have managed to have not read the last book yet... how odd. oh well. it will still be loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3 andandand just epic amazing win. cannot even explain how much I absolutely love the whole freaking franchise. the first thing I'm doing after grad is going to florida to go to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. roadtrippppp. I am a proud slytherin. don't judge us. just because Harry is an idiot and some slytherins screw up our reputation for us, doesn't mean we're all evil. what defines us is the fact we will do anything to get what we want, that can be a very positive thing. we want gay rights, we want to stop animal testing, we want world peace. and there's no way we'll stop until we get it. and it also helps out quite a bit with girls. my secondary house is hufflepuff. I am only a good finder when I want to be. and everyone knows us hufflepuffs are all secretly stoners. at least at one point in our lives. yes, I am equally proud to also belong to the most random house considering I never really have been one to be normal, and neither was tonks. she was a hufflepuff. <3 TONKS = LOVE. don't you ever forget that. ever. 

deperate need to not do my homework this weekend. or next weekend. considering I either have a ton of rehearsals or I am moving or both. but still haven't found a place so who knows. I just really don't want to move in new years eve again. besides, I've got plans. so yeahh..

REALLY need to go home to twas soon. to actually chill and be with people and just gain a little bit of sanity again. maybe then I could pass the courses I need to graduate. it literally kills me a little more each day being away. I know I am partially to blame considering I torture myself with reading people's stauses and such. that way I know what I'm missing out on. live seems completely fine without me. people are wayy too busy to even bother trying to talk to me much anymore. my predictions are starting to come true. I am being forgotten. just another phase that people get over and try to keep hidden in the depths of their mind. no one bothers to visit. why would they? I am no longer in their everyday life, so I obviously have to make all the effort since I was the one who got dragged away kicking and screaming. Since I am the one who's gone I have to make every little plan even when I have to make plans over and over with one person just to get anything to happen ONCE. so what if I'm already completely worn out? it's all up to me. everything is always about how much effort I can put in while the rest of the world slacks off. because apparently I have to learn to do it all. why? is the whole bloody world incapable of doing anything themselves? can they not even be bothered to keep promises? 

oh yeah. then there's the whole grad thing. that was all planned. from grad dates to colour of limo, and even pretty much complete outfits. and if I can't convince my mom to let me back... that's just another thing that makes me grow farther from my 'friends'. sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it. I'll always be the one lurking around, not getting the inside jokes, not being able to keep up with everyone, becoming just the awkward outsider. as if I wasn't enough already....

maybe there's a reason I was cast as the loser after all.........