how bad could it be?

st.patty's day and he spent it by himself for the most part. enough doctor who to keep him satisfied for quite a while, although he could always use more. he enjoys the escape from reality that shows give him, the characters he can get lost in. it helps him to de-stress with such a difficult year with school to deal with. he's letting it take over his life, the need to let go of all the worries. he's had more than his share in the past, he doesn't feel the need to have to many anymore. he's done at this point, so tired of everything that high school is. he's tired of the drama, the bitches, the cliques, the pressure of grades, the demanding extracurricular activities. he just wants to be done with it all at this point. he's done more than his fair share with how early he went to preschool and being a grade ahead in Japanese school. his whole life has pretty much been in schools and he's ready to move on, although this is just moving on to a new way of school. a bigger-scale, more personalized schedule with less personal professors.  he's had some time to think the last few days. he doesn't exactly know how to label it, but he understands his feelings about people a lot more. he has two categories of how he likes people: those who he finds aesthetically appealing but could never develop any sort of anything sexual with and those who he cannot feel attraction for before having a deep emotional connection. the first category consists of celebrities or people he sees on the streets or friends of friends he'd never talk to. the latter would be everyday people, people he would be able to talk to so that he can connect to them and then build an attraction. he has never been able to build that attraction with cis-guys because he can't emotionally connect with them. they see him as female and make everything this whole straight shinanigans. he's always been able to easily connect to cis-women and build the attraction faster than almost any other group. everyone under the trans* umbrella he can relate to and it makes it possible to connect and such. although he has a weakness for FTMs and some non-binary, female-bodied queers. with them it's almost like he turns to jelly the second they open their mouths. he almost doesn't need to build the attraction because he can understand their story so well. lately he's been able to connect to gay and some bi cis-males, throwing him off from what he's used to. <3 <3