lookin' at me, yeah me.

he never thought he'd enjoy himself so much on a night out with the crew he's been so judgmental of. he'd spent so much time trying to distance himself because of the amount of stupidity going on with them that he had forgotten how much fun it could be to just kick back with the guys like that. despite yet another night of being misgendered, he couldn't have asked for more. he knows if anyone's going to take him seriously about the pronouns then he's going to have to be a little more forceful until they can get it right on their own. it terrifies him that he has to actually stand against them on something as simple as pronouns to get them to understand how he feels about them. it sucks and he's scared to say anything, but he knows he has to. the weekend is coming to a close for him, back to work and then to school the day after. he misses the carefree days of summer before he had to worry about school or work or anything like that. he misses sleeping in almost every day and doing things however he pleases. he can't wait to be done with school and get out on his own or with roommates or whatever so that he can have the freedom of organizing his own schedule to allow for less shitty hours.  he can almost say that he loves her, yet she turns the other way. he's yearning after what he cannot have, hopelessly falling into the trail she leaves behind. some days she turns to him and there's a moment where he wonders how he could have ever doubted any affection, then the next it's as if it were all a dream. it screws around with his mind until he can't focus on anything else, yet he knows he needs to be okay with it if anything is to become of it. he can't change her, he can be okay with that, he just needs to know that she'll keep coming back to him on the days she is doing better.  <3 <3