down on one knee.

he can't contain himself much longer. the monster inside him just wants to be close and cuddle and hold hands. reality wants him to sit in a corner by himself and wish he could do something with someone. he's being pushed, forced away. physically, emotionally, in every attempt. he can't seem to get past the blockade keeping past and present together, without a new beginning.  he's looking for any way to break into a whole new section of life, but he's not seeming to find it. he can't find any of the signs, any way to make it happen, any reason he should be so lucky. it breaks his heart a little bit.  if only he had some sort of device to control his emotions, then he could deal with all of it himself instead of getting all muddled and confused in his head. he would be able to feel the things he's always wanted to feel and do. he wouldn't have this shadow of emotion hanging over him for much of his life.  <3 <3