I hate mornings. honestly, they can go die. not only am I waking up around 8.30 on a Sunday for no reason, but when I do wake up my mom's doing her YouTube sing along thing again. so I figure stay in my room and wait it out for awhile. when I finally do go to get up I basically fall back onto my bed trying to stand up. kinda forgot that my legs hurt like a bitch. sitting with my feet on the floor hurts, standing is worse, and walking is killer. don't even get me started on stairs. and first thing in the morning they're all cramped up from not moving all night. it's brutal. and this is coming from someone who actually LIKES most pain.
at least I've got all my poetry done except my epic, I've read all the short stories, and I have almost two worksheets of socials done. my biggest problem will be trying to get out of doing a lipsync that my group is in no way ready to present. that and not wanting to saw my legs off.
there was a lot of talk about the wedding today, being at the grandparents' and all. the arch they're using is at ther house now so it feels closer. just over a month and s half away. my grandma's going on about liquor licenses and matching shoes and stuff. my mom's going on about how she hates the shoes she's supposed to wear and there's no way in hell she wants to go at 7am to get her hair done for a wedding hours later. and then the whole who the fuck is throwing the bridal shower and stagette and stuff. the there's me just chilling there hoping to be feeling at least somewhat female if I have to wear a bloody dress so I don't end up trying to rip my skin off. and how the hell are around 180 or more people going to fit on that fucking dock??
formal events piss me off...
I swear every time my family gets together there are huge fighting matches and fights and all sorts of shinanigans. about the stoopidest things. like what bowls to use to have soup. WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?? it's nothing to smash plates around about. or refuse to even eat the fucking soup over. everything turns into such a big deal and everyone's temper is right on the edge, about to flare. if this is what happens on a regular basis how am I supposed to ever come out to the entire family or tell them I'm not wearing a dress for grad?? I don't want to have dishes thrown at me, I've had enough of that in my childhood when my mom got pissed off. plus, asking my family to help pay for post-secondary is most likely the only way I'll be able to go at all.
apparently I have a meeting to go to VFS on Thursday night. I don't even want to go. my mom's trying to push me into acting as a career. I find it fun for small roles and stuff, but there's no way I'd even want to make it big. that's the only way to make a living from it too. why can't she just respect that fact if I do get involved in the industry I would want to do something behind the scenes. then again how can I ever expect her to respect anything I do?
<3 <3
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