you could've called me up to say good luck.

nightmare. it's the nightmare that never ends. where unbelievable happinings are true AND LEGAL!! my heart breaks and my mind races. 

so the final verdict: I have five days to pack and find a place. we aren't considered tennants, only occupants because my roommate just 'forgot' to mention that we were sub-letting from him until a bit before the guy downstairs died right before we met the landlord. so surprise, we have no rights. also, as of may 1st, no place to live. so it's a mad scramble to find and place and for me to pack up my shit before I leave for Ashland on Tuesday. my mom has the wxtra time till April 30 to pack, then start moving stuff while I'm on the bus coming home. so basically I dont know where I'll be living when I come home. in less than two weeks. 

out of eight places we looked at today, none are really suitable. the first, back on the other side of Richmond and when people come over, to use the washroom they have to go through one of our bedrooms. the second, awkward illegal suite with no living room. the third, was too small. the fourth, no closets and small space. the fifth, my room would be half the size and I could only fit a bed and nighttable, no closet or anything, and the washing machine and dryer were on opposite sides of the suite, plus loud kids upstairs. the sixth, the stairs would make it impossible for furniture to get in, and the living room would be hard to even fit the couch. and the last, another without a living room. FUUUUU!!!

I'm so tired. mentally and physically. my back is killing me, more than usual. so much work and catching up and memorizing scripts to do it's making my head spin. need to get rod of everything I don't really use. I might have a total breakdown soon. big changes like this completely screw me over. need to prepare for crying myself to sleep the first few nights. and trying to settle in, but never feelingg safe or at home. tsawwassen will always be my home. more so on the streets of tsawwassen than in any place in Richmond. 

I don't want to move again until it's away from my crazy-ass mother. 
 
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