never meant to make your daughter cry.

so. the last day of spring break and I never really got a break. but I acomplished so much.
almost 1 1/2 years of Japanese, 3 chapters of Frankenstein, 3 socials worksheets, finalizing about 1/5 of my script, driving down to Bellingham, getting accepted into John Casablancas, 5 campus tours, and 3 derby haikus. 
it started with a funeral and ended with a baby shower. this is the circle of life. this is two weeks in the life. 

so much time alone can really change person. right now I feel like a complete other person then that nikki who just a mere 17 days ago was awaiting the 'freedom' of spring break. the innocent one who thought she was invincible and could manage to acomplish so much work, spring cleaning, and a social life. I may be boring, but at least I know that the harder I work, the sooner I can live in a manageable schedule. 3 months and focusing will seem easy, day to day life will seem livable. just a grueling last few months until there is light in the darkness. 

structure is slowly killing me. timelines make my head spin. so I yearn for flexability. for the freedom to learn what I actually am interested in and not have to worry about the rest. to take on tasks one or two at a time instead of about eight.. I wish to set up a life that works for me: customized, not some one-size-fits-all bullshit. 

gr.12 everyone makes out to be some huge mess of horror. from the plan so far for my courses it seems to be the most lax year I've ever had. I'll get to spend time doing projects I know I'll actually enjoy in art because I can come up with them, I get to go back to choir and have music in my actual school life again, drama (without the stress of having to do plays with set deadlines and marks on my directing style), possibly broadcasting where I'll learn to actually take on a role within the music umbrella, law for all those fun gorey bits, history to actually learn something in the year, geo to expand on the same things I've been learning since gr.6 and give me more to talk about with people, and my favorite AP English. actual hardcore work on stuff I enjoy so my brain doesn't turn to mush mush and I actualy get a chance to read and write even if my schedule gets busy.

hopefully that will give me time to actualy participate in young bard next year, beacause that would be an amazing expirience, better than my school theatre. and I'm already coming up with art ideas, like make a mannequin head and design some sort of intricate design to cover it with. (cause I really need to learn to paint with brushes instead of my fingers for once)

any questions, ideas, topics for me to cover, etc send them to me. and guess the songs from my post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
tumblr: nikkioreo
or comment BELOW!! ;)

<3 <3