he saw it coming, yet it came out of nowhere. the little paranoid bits of his brain actually were right for once. he wants to say it hurts, but that wouldn't be the right word. he just feels.. empty, like there is nothing in him, nothing left to feel the pain. he should feel something but he doesn't. self pity? no, anger? no, lonliness, no more than usual. all he really feels is the overwhelming desire to help her, to make sure she's okay, to be there if she needs someone to talk to. he just wants her to be happy.
the fuzzies tell him he's worthless, he never deserved her in the first place, he's lucky she stuck around as long as she did. he believes them for some reason, he tries to be a better person, someone worthy of some sort of resipricated love.
if there is something else he feels, it's that he's a dumbass. at least he didn't go through with his plans. at least he didn't tell her he loves her just to be told she's done. his gut told him not to, not yet. his gut saved him.
he was never used to being vulnerable, but every moment spent with her he was, and it was in the best way possible. she taught him more than he could have ever thought. no doubt, she will continue to do so. the one thing he hopes is that things can still be somewhat normal, that they can be friends without it being completely awkward. losing a girlfriend is one thing, losing a good friend is another, one that it is a hell of a lot harder to deal with.
already everyone just wants to talk about it, he has nothing to talk about. he wants what's best for her, she can't do it. end of story.
<3 <3
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