so he waits another day, letting time pass by even though he doesn't have much left. he lets every bit of energy he has left recharge so that he can be focused. it's the first time in a while that he has that chance. it seems everyone around him is pretty much ready, he still can't wrap his mind around the fact that summer's almost over, it feels like it hasn't even begun. every day is just a chore, babysitting his mother to keep her as much out of trouble as he can. it gets to be too much sometimes. he needs time off for his own life, his job, breathing. he doesn't know what to do on days like today where she drinks about 3 or 4 coolers, drops piles of dirt on the floor without cleaning them up, makes him stay and watch tv with her instead of getting things done by the deadline. she gets unreasonable and he needs to get away.
he finds a santuary in tumblr, finding others who have genders just as messed up as his own. he feels their pain, their dysphoria, their hearts breaking. they understand. he just needs to belong under some umbrella for once and live in a way that can be more easily discribed to those who aren't as knowledgeable about the trans* community. that's the worst part, trying to explain who he is, how he feels in his soul. trying to work up the guts to tell anyone who doesn't already know.
the morning will bring him new hope, a hope at seeing her, a hope at not completely wasting a weekend. he also hopes he can manage to pull off a plan to fit everything in before the final school year starts. he's worried, his mother applied to work at his school and he's hoping someone, anyone with more seniority applies so she doesn't get it. he would die if she worked so close, school is his escape from it all. without that space he has nothing, no mental focus, nothing he can talk about, no thoughts floating through his head. it wouldn't quite be worth it at all.
<3 <3
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