there's that moment when ze just doesn't know how to cope in a straight, cis-gendered world. when ze looks down at the survey they're supposed to fill out about education, how gender has anything to do with it ze will never know. the first question: what gender are you. ze stops, looks around, and wants to scream out "are you fucking kidding me? you want me to fill this shut out?" ze feels the tears right behind hir eyes, threatening to burst if ze open hir mouth to rant about the system. finally, ze decides to just go for it and circle both male and female. after finishing the rest ze decides that the admin might think it's a joke and disreagard the whole thing, so ze writes genderqueer in big, green letters beside number one. it feels good for hir to come out in something so official.
ze is forced to play the role of she. ze has to push back the pain and give in to wearing a dress. the feel of the fabric, the exposed skin, the leers from onlooking men. ze is vulnerable and scared, ze can't quite breathe. then ze gets a chance to choose hir life. ze fucks with gender, playing with a flat chest and tutu, fishnets and fairy wings, short hair and glitter. ze doesn't know how to contain hir excitement for very long. being ably to feel comfortable is a new concept.
many a girl crosses hir path on a daily basis. each day ze makes the conscious decition to only look at all the gorgeous hipster chicks. ze makes sure that ze doesn't do something ze'll regret in the heat of a moment. hir out of control hormones have to be satisfied with looking, no touching. ze is a one-woman show. although there are many, many girls ze'd joke about, ze really only wants one.
<3 <3
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