I dream about you, woman.

the heat. it's killing me slowly. not quite slowly.. some days I just want to run naked through a water park. then I remember 1. I hate my body and try to cover it as much as possible 2. pretty much all my summer clothes are kinda extreme female and it makes me want to die 3. I want tea all the time even though it's boiling and I can't help it.

dresses and shizz. my mother wants to go grad dress shopping. my great aunt wants to buy my dress, shoes, and anything else I want to wear as a grad present. my grandma wants to make sure I have the prettiest dress in my grad class. is it too late to start telling them I just really want to wear a tux. or at the very least wear a dress shirt, blazer, and bowtie over a dress to screw around completely with gender boxes. but I really want hardcore heeled boots. lace-up boots. they will be gorgeous. 

holy fucknuts. I'm actually gr.12 and this is weird and I don't even know. just have to make it through the summer. I figured out just how much I hate summer today and why. two months. pretty much all spent alone with my mother. strict rules since she's always there. get dragged around to the states and random shizz. I end up doing everything and get no credit or anything while she sits on her ass and complains about everything. everything has to be about her. take a break and go places with friends?? sounds like a plan. if only I can get my mother to agree to let me go. fuck, I need a job in order for her to let me do anything. can jobs just magically appear for me like RIGHT NOW?!?!?!? 

there's that awkward point where you want to spend like.. every moment with someone but you're afraid of seeming super clingy so you just don't up talking to them much but it's killing you to not be with them. it really sucks. girls confuse me. can they come with manuals so you know when they want to see you or talk to you so you don't end up that smothering dork? or else end up playing it cool and trying to not seem like you care what happens all that much so they think you're not completely crazy and overpowering. lalalalalala. I mean... no, I never have that much emotion. bitches love emotionless dorks. 

<3 <3