today I thought the world hated me.
I race to get to the bus stop early just to be on time for it going THE OTHER WAY. the bus decides to be late when I'm early.
I made it into ladner without freaking out about being on a bus just to see a girl I was a little bit in love with a couple years ago who now hates me. story of my life.
then the weather decides to be weird and be cloudy but boiling hot so I'm dying as I walk.
when I actually get to the place I'd been freaking out about going no one seems to care. like oh it's just nikki, doors don't open, phones don't get picked up. no big deal.
so I sit in a field hoping to hear her voice, just see her for a little and all the mosquitoes in ladner decide it would be fun to eat me alive.
two hours later I give up and go to leave, just then it starts raining.
of course when I get to my grandparents' house no one's there either.
so once again I go back to town to get some chocolate to make me not hate everything. the only thing I can do to keep back the tears threatening to burst.
in the middle of my feeling sorry for myself someone bothers to actually speak to me.
he sits in a wheelchair, unable to stop his body from shaking. he asks me if he could join me at my table, so I let him. his name is crash. that's what people call him at least.
I expected him to just want to be around people, but he keeps talking, as much of an effort as it is for him. he asks my opinion of his tattoos: a pin-up girl in front of a fancy sword, a diamond with shine, an intracate version of the gemini symbol, and the word acceptance. when I tell him they were well done he seems so happy, like I just gave him the key to complete bliss. I ask him where they were done and he says east van. he used to live out there, used to be in with the hell's angels. back when he was a badass. back before he was dignosed with a severe case of multiple sclerosis. the very thing that left him in the wheelchair and with the inability to control the shaking.
although life handed him a rough hand he sees life in only the brightest light. although he can't remember asking me the same questions over and over he was happy to be with someone who would talk to him. the best moment will always be this moment, and right then that moment was so good for him because he "made such a beautiful woman smile"
meeting crash made me think.
maybe life is shit, but you can choose to make the best of it. thank-you, crash, not only did you turn my day around, but you made life so much more bearable.
emotions get the best of me too often. I overthink everything. I get attatched to objects, people, anything too easily and then I overthink and end up hurting myself with worst-case scenerios before anything bad can even happen so I feel like the worst has happened and none of it is real. sometimes I just need a reminder to take a breath and see the world from a diferent angle. to stop getting so caught up in what every little thing could mean and just live life as it comes towards me. I have one year before I get thrust into the "real world" so I can use if to live like each day is my last and have no regrets.
more wedding stuffs. they got 10lbs of custom m&ms with their picture and names on them. who cares what they look like, as long as they taste good. why spend $200 on 10lbs of m&ms???
<3 <3
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