and she's a world-class revolution.

don't exactly know what to do. my mom wants me to grow my hair out for grad. I really don't ever want to grow my hair out unless it's in dreads, and there's no way my mom will let me have dreads for grad. 
then there's the whole there's no way in hell that I'll be wearing a dress thing. my mom thinks I'm wearing a dress, although she might be a bit more leaniant than my grandma. my grandma wants me to have the prettiest dress of my grad class. and she keeps trying to shove all sorts of feminine things at me. it's like 'honestly grandma I don't want a grad dress, I want to get a suit. and a purple tailcoat would be even better. and NO I don't want to go buy cute matching lacey bra and panties. I'd be much more comfortable in a binder and boxers.' but how exactly does one tell their grandma that? I mean, I haven't even been able to figure out how to tell my mom. and I haven't even come out to the rest of the family about liking girls. FUUUU.

my mom's friend today actually told me my hair looks bad short, I have to grow it out. it kinda felt like a slap in the face, like 'fuck you you're not old enough to decide how you feel. I'm older so I can tell you that just because you are apparently cute as a physical female you aren't allowed to even present as partially male' 

I hate people. I just want to go live under a rock and forget that there are people who feel the need to stick me into a gender box based on my physical sex. WHAT THE FUCK??? why can't people just accept that I don't fit into any boxes? I'm tired of fighting to try and present how I feel, tired of being bitched at for wearing clothes that aren't right for the weather because I don't have all-seasons of clothes for my mixes of gender. I need to invest in more male summer clothes. right now I have some tshirts that are unisex and a couple pairs of basketball shorts...

need to figure out a way to bind that will allow me to wear lower- necked shirts. I'm so fucking tired of all the not being able to do things because of where on the gender scale I feel that day. 

my mom is currently watching YouTube videos with lyrics to songs and singing along. it's not pretty. can someone besides me tell her she shouldn't be singing. my ears have been bleeding everytime since I was little. 

<3 <3