there's too much he's being asked to do in so little time. two more projects he needs done this week, plus written homework, reading like... 3 books, and pulling apart an essay and perfecting it to AP standards for English. there's no time but he's motivated, for most of it anyways. for now he could just use a giant nap. he needs a weekend to just do all his work alone at the same time. instead he has to try and get things done at breaks when there are people and distractions all around. he's fighting himself every second to try and get anything done.
he remembers the days where he'd sneak out just to go do homework, days before homework needed internet for information. days before his room was impossible to get out of without his mother's notice. he considers pulling an all-nighter to catch-up on some reading. fuck, he doesn't knoe what's going on in like... 3 of his classes.
the last school year, his Japanese teacher said his failing attempt of grades didn't make sense unless he had a mental blockade against learning the language. he might have found that blockade. throughout most of his years in Japanese school he was completely tormented by this kid named corey. he would honestly spend break crying, sometimes going home crying as well. he learned to associate the torment with his learning. he really wihes he had the time to saturate himself in Japanese to try to break through the blockade. maybe then things would make sense most of the time and it wouldn't seem so bad to be around family.
he's dying to have someone to talk to about things. it feels like he's been keeping it all in for forever, not getting the chance to talk out all his emotions about her, about his identification, about that constant hunger to feel loved. he needs the time, the trust in someone who's willing to listen. he just needs to let it all out at once, but he isn't quite sure where to start.
<3 <3
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