things are starting to get under control again. he finally has the worst part of homework done so that he remembers that there is still a bunch of work he needs to have done for classes tomorrow. halfway done he week, picking up a cheque tomorrow. two more school days until he's off for the weekend. he almost forgets that he was scared to be at a christian camp for the weekend because to him it means escape from his mother.
there aren't enough hours in the day to get the kind of sleep he's craving. he wishes that time for sleep would just keep on in repeat. instead, his attempts at having a life cut into the time that really should've been used to be sleeping in. instead he hypes himself up on caffeine, hoping to do something productive while he's still awake. then he crashes by the time he gets around to anything.
he can't seem to keep his mind off her for all that long. he tries to think of all sorts of thing, but in the end the thoughts somehow make their way back. he tries to stop it; she's like a drug of sorts. she drives him crazy in more ways than he cares to realize. someday he knows it will be different, not by much, but at least a little bit easier. he goes about life trying to get everything under control, understandable, under the point of extreme emotions.
just once he wishes someone would stop and wonder, "is that a boy or a girl" for even a split second. he wishes people could see how badly he needs to be anything but female. so he waits another day for someone to understand. it won't happen soon and he knows it but he can't help but to keep wishing. wishing is as far as he'll ever seem to go without being disapointed.
<3 <3
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