the sun says goodnight.

he hopes that every time he closes his eyes and thinks of her maybe she would be thinking of him, even a little bit. he wishes for just once more second to feel like everything makes sense again. he wishes that he could've mustered up the balls to tell her sometime earlier how he felt. that he was just terrified that she wouldn't understand who he is because he doesn't have the words to describe how him mind works. he still hopes that every time he tries to talk to her, he will have the strength to try and explain even a little bit.  he's going slightly insane being home, being cooped up inside except when followed closely by his mother. he can't stand the city because it means he can no longer go out in the nights. he can't live under the stars and have the birds as his call to come back home. he misses just walking around town, running into people who he's seen a thousand times before but never taken the time to just talk to them. he misses sitting under the trees and watching the world through their leaves. he misses having a smoke at the top of a waterful, feeling as if he's on top of the world. he misses watching the raccoons make their way across the streets, the squirrels dart from branch to branch as the sun starts to come up. he misses sitting outside the thrift store on the couches and talking about the world as if there was nothing else besides then and there. there were no other people alive. the winter is taking it's toll on him even when it has not even begun yet. he freezes each night to thaw each morning. they all stare, hoping to catch how he starts all night. the tears pour down his face as he tries to make his mind believe she's still alive. <3 <3