if it makes you happy it can't be that bad.

there's this one side of him that wants to be that girly little lesbian. wants the long flowing curls and the skirts and the heels. he wishes he could pull off a pin-up type look every day. sometimes he just wants to be the one that makes people stop in their tracks and follow because there is nothing else they can do. he wants to flaunt femininity and power with each clip or clap of his stilletos. some days all he wants to do is be the picture of the hardcore lipstick lesbian. other days he wants to be nothing less than a dapper gentleman. he wants to hold all the doors open for girls in the halls, tip his hat as he passes people he knows. he lusts over suits and bowties. he feels himself dying every second someone reminds him he isn't in that body. but most days he's just awkward and confused and doesn't know how to mix the sides to make him feel like he's at least partcially in the right body. he wears ties with dresses and binds while wearing a strapless top. he tries to sneak boxers under skirts. most of the time he just finds unisex clothing because it's like they made a third-gendered clothing branch, one that makes it easier for him to live with. others he sifts through the men's section knowing that anything he puts on his female body will look more feminine automatically. he doesn't fit the labels society dishes out. he can't stick to any gender long enough to prove he has one. he doesn't feel a switch in actual gender, just in the way he feels he needs to present himself to the world. he can't identify with girl, boy, man, woman, she, he, ze, or any other pronouns given besides they. but they gets confusing. they is too hard to congigate to use in everyday speech. so he settles on he mostly, because it means the absence of female. because it fucks with society's idea of male. because people think it's rude to call him an it. that is, after all, what he is. it, genderless, shameless.  <3 <3